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Demetri Martin

· 26 kata bijak

Kehidupan

I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone.'

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Kebahagiaan

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

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Kreativitas

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.

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Sukses

I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'

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Motivasi

But what I was going to say was, I just figured I'm going to go boldly in the direction of my dreams, say it as Thoreau would say, and just see where it takes me.

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Waktu

I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.

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Perjuangan

But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.

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Kehidupan

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

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Kehidupan

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!

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Kehidupan

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

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Kebahagiaan

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

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Motivasi

I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.

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Humor

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.

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Keluarga

The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously.

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Kehidupan

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.

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Kepemimpinan

I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.

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Pendidikan

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, 'Oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.'

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Harapan

I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.'

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Harapan

My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'

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Sukses

And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money.

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