"If I have to move up in a building, I choose the e..." — Demetri Martin

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If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

— Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin

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Haile Gebrselassie

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I have to change a lot of things before I become a good marathon runner.

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Josh Billings

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There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.

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William Shakespeare

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If you can look into the seeds of time and say which grain will grow and which will not speak then to me.

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Matt Cameron

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I've talked to some drummers who seem to have a very hard time staying in shape on the road, including some drummers touring with high-profile acts that don't have to live on fast food every night.

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Mark Twain

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I never smoke to excess - that is, I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.

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